alan
Number of posts : 361 Age : 58 Location : wallington, surrey Humor : great Registration date : 2007-12-02
| Subject: New Laws Mon May 19, 2008 10:02 am | |
| FOLLOWING the news that a young car thief has been sent to Portugal on holiday, tough new sentencing guidelines have been circulated to magistrates.
The aim is to ensure consistency between courts in different parts of the country Details of proposed sentences are as follows:-
MUGGING; Day trip to Brighton or Alton Towers. Magistrates will be allowed to use their discretion.
CRIMINAL DAMAGE: Two days at Euro Disney for first offenders, up to a week for those with previous convictions.
ARSON: Two weeks at either Disney World in Orlando or Disneyland in Los Angeles. Offenders sent to L.A. will be entitled to Club Class travel.
BURGLARY: Ten-day break in the Seychelles, to include snorkelling and wind-surfing.
AGGRAVATED BURGLARY: Two weeks in Jamaica, half-board. Offenders will be provided with spending money but will be expected to buy their own drugs.
GBH: Minimum of two weeks in Hawaii with Page Three girl (subject to availability), followed by rehabilitation at water sports centre in Tahiti.
MURDER: Three-in-a-bed sex session with supermodels of defendants, choice on Caribbean island to be decided by court. Condoms not included. All prisoners to be accompanied by at least three social workers, four probation officers, hairdresser, personal diet and Japanese masseuse.
In addition to the above tough sentences, the Government has also issued new sentencing guidelines for motoring offences:
NO TAX DISC: £10,000 fine.
FAULTY BRAKE LIGHT: Fifty Lashes.
SPEEDING: £5,000 fine for every one mph over the limit. Plus fifty lashes.
DRIVING IN BUS LANE: Three years in prison.
SPEEDING IN BUS LANE WITH FAULTY BRAKE LIGHT; Life imprisonment
Late last night it was revealed that the Government had decided to end its controversial-policy of allowing prisoners to be transported by Group 4 Security. The contract has instead been awarded to Club 18-30 | |
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chopper
Number of posts : 230 Age : 51 Humor : weird Registration date : 2007-12-02
| Subject: Re: New Laws Mon May 19, 2008 10:57 am | |
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indifferent
Number of posts : 112 Age : 45 Registration date : 2008-05-01
| Subject: Re: New Laws Mon May 19, 2008 11:44 am | |
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NICKY Admin
Number of posts : 3088 Location : Wherever life takes me Humor : wacky Registration date : 2007-08-17
| Subject: Re: New Laws Mon May 19, 2008 1:11 pm | |
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Mark
Number of posts : 552 Age : 56 Location : Essex Humor : crazy Registration date : 2008-01-27
| Subject: Re: New Laws Mon May 19, 2008 1:22 pm | |
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Ghost Admin
Number of posts : 2439 Location : Going Through Hell Humor : sorting sheep Registration date : 2007-12-06
| Subject: Re: New Laws Mon May 19, 2008 1:31 pm | |
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