Who did it ?

Subject: Who did it ? Sun Dec 28, 2008 6:00 pm

Come on someone own up
i want to know who let one go ??????

lol!

Subject: Re: Who did it ? Mon Dec 29, 2008 12:16 am

Monkeys smell their own muck first!! Suspect

Subject: Re: Who did it ? Mon Dec 29, 2008 12:48 am

Subject: Re: Who did it ? Mon Dec 29, 2008 12:50 am

Plain Jane.
One-second duration, nice resonant reverberation, and pungent odor
cloud with a nearly instantaneous 5-foot radius. Your standard,
everyday, friendly fart.

Beefy One.
Sounds loud and butch, e.g., 'BRAAAMMPPP!' Smells like a cross between
a decaying meadow muffin on a hot day and a fresh dog-turd.

Eggy.
Smells very much like rotten eggs (or hydrogen sulfide). A powerful
odor which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out in the fashion
of a Bunbuster (see below).

Who did it ? Fireball

Bunbuster.
'BRAAAP!' Sounds something like a Beefy One, except much more sudden
and much more powerful. May smell either eggy or beefy. Leaves your
asshole smarting. You really feel these babies.

Ripper.
Sends seismic ripples to the next town. Rips the seams in the crotch of
your pants. This fart genuinely hurts, and you can still feel it 20
minutes later. Anyone sitting nearby may experience hearing loss.

Who did it ? Klibanfart

Diesel. Sputters to a start, but then keeps putt-putting along spewing out an endless cloud of dirty, noxious fumes.

Surprise! You didn't even know that it was there, but suddenly . . . 'BRRMP!'
Who did it ? Ylsurprise

Gunshot.
Sounds just like a gunshot. Unbelievably loud indoors. Hard to believe
that this emanates from between your buttocks. Bullet explodes into
billions of virulent odor molecules. Gunshot farts are relatively rare
but, like guns, very dangerous.

Who did it ? BreakWind

Squeaky. Puny and unsatisfying. Sounds a bit like a muffled 'Wheeeek,' but smells foul.

Worrier.
The kind that seems to be a fart right up to the point at which you
release it. At this stage, matters become less sure, as it feels too
solid for comfort. You go to the
bathroom and check your underpants at the first possible opportunity.

Who did it ? Toilet

Poopie Prelude.
It feels like it's going to be a large beefy one, but out comes a tiny
little squeaker fart plus the head of something massive. You tense your
buttocks fast, lest you give birth to the brown equivalent of a
zeppelin.

Present.
The type of fart that seems harmless, but then brings a small poop as a
housewarming gift. You shuffle off to the toilet and give thanks you
weren't in a business meeting or job interview when it happened. If you
were, you're screwed.

Burble. Bubbly! Sometimes messy too.

Who did it ? Fartsmilie

SBD (Silent But Deadly).
Totally inaudible but somehow causes all the occupants in a room to
collapse. Smell is undefined because nasal investigators haven't had
time to analyze the odor before passing out. (This one is also known as
SBL: Silent But Lethal and Toxic Assassin.)

Who did it ? Fart-Sign

GNL (Gambled 'n' Lost).
You take a gamble that it's going to be a fart and stay where you are,
but tragically come to realize that this is much more than a fart...
Next big gamble: do you put your underpants in the laundry basket and
hope your wife won't notice, do you wash 'em out yourself, or do you
throw 'em away?

Hydrated.
The original wet fart, which leaves a mark on your pants and gives you
a cold wet sticky sensation when you walk. Try to avoid this one if
you're wearing white trousers.

Not Now Please!
You feel the presence of a mighty fart but are unable to release it due
to your situation (first date, new customer, important business
meeting, etc.). You clench your buttocks together so hard you nearly
have a stroke, and wait for the pressure to subside. Success depends
upon a number of factors, but in the end you're probably going to have
to face the music (literally). Or you can try the stealth approach (see
below).

Who, Me?
You let it out as silently as possible and nobody hears it. You
discreetly take deep sniffs and smell nothing. You think you got away
with it. But 30 seconds later, as if released from a stasis field,
everybody starts to cough and splutter. You point to the person next to
you and try to look innocent.

Waker-Upper.
The first fart of the morning. All that broccoli, beans, and beer you
had for dinner last night has decayed and fermented into about 1,000 ml
of noxious gas just dying to escape from your rectum. Whether you let
go under the covers when you first wake up or hold it until you're
taking your early morning pee, releasing that first fart of the day
feels oh, so good and sets the tone for the whole day.

Electrical. Sound like they have some juice in them.

Dutch Oven.
A fart you make in bed -- any kind at all -- followed up by holding
your partner's head under the bedclothes so that he/she can get the
full effect of it. Good for moving a stalled divorce process along.
Very bad early in your marriage.

Subject: Re: Who did it ? Mon Dec 29, 2008 12:55 am

Nicky goes into the doctor's office and says, 'Doctor, you have to help me...I've got this problem: You see I can't stop farting. I fart all the time, only they are silent and don't stink. As a matter of fact, I've farted 20 times just now while talking to you'.
The doctor fills out a prescription and tells the lady: 'here, take these and come back in a week'.
So she leaves and a week later storms back to the doctors office. 'Doctor, doctor you must help me! Now things are worse. I'm still farting all the time, they are still silent but now they smell something awful. You must do something! What were those pills you gave me?'
The doctor replied, 'Oh don't worry, those pills where just to fix your sinus condition.................now we'll work on your hearing problem'.

Subject: Re: Who did it ? Mon Dec 29, 2008 5:19 am

you are one mad man chillout you crack me up

lol!

Subject: Re: Who did it ? Wed Dec 31, 2008 6:19 am

[quote][Squeaky. Puny and unsatisfying. Sounds a bit like a muffled 'Wheeeek,' but smells foul/quote]

Thought that was a Beaky lol!